Cold as Winter

Searching for my smile in places it shouldn't be.

I'm used to the taste of poison,

Because it's all I've ever known.

I recognize that I deserve better.

And I want better.

I guess part of me is afraid,

Afraid I won't know what to do with better.

I've spent most of my life trying

To win the attention of her.

Subsequently I find myself

Going after those

Whose attention I must win

To have.

It's a lonely game.

I don't want to roll these dice anymore.

I shouldn't have to play to win.