Cold as Winter

I keep trying not to shed these tears. I shouldn't be crying. Anything upsetting me should wait until Tuesday but the feeling are already here and I can't seem to shake them. I've realized that part of what bothers me when my birthday approaches, is seeing just how many people don't care. I keep telling myself not to have any expectations so that I won't be disappointed. But what kind of life has no expectations? One with no substance. That's the answer I've come up with. If I had no substance I could settle with that answer. I just keep caring and therefore I keep hurting. How do I honestly not care and actually mean it?